When Given A Choice, They Chose Jesus

It has been a really long time since I last blogged. But last night I received an email that rocked me to the core a little bit. The intention of the email wasn't in any way meant to do this but it did, because it got me thinking, really really thinking about the events of this past week. I was asked to remember in prayer the 9 people who died this past week in a tragic shooting in Oregon....here's my blog.....

While I try not to watch the news too often I do stay up on current events and it was impossible not to hear about the tragedy that occurred in Oregon this past week. Nine people were killed while they attended a class at their college. Others were injured. More than that though, families were shattered, friends and loved ones are left behind, a community once again is shaken and our country is left wondering what’s next????

We now know that these nine souls were killed because when given a choice, they chose Jesus. They chose to proclaim that they were indeed Christians and because of that a gunman decided that their fate would be to be with Jesus at this time rather than allow them the opportunity to live the life God had planned for them.

For a moment I want to put all the political stuff aside, which is hard to do since the politicians, news and social media have erupted into a storm of debates over whose agenda is going to “fix this problem.” I want to reflect on what these 9 people did, they chose Jesus. They chose to glorify God in their final moment, they chose to give up their life to publicly declare that the ONLY ONE who has ultimate control over them is GOD. This is so powerful it shakes me to the core!!

I have prayed for their families, for their friends, for their loved ones, for everyone who is left with an empty hole in their hearts over this loss. I am also praying for my family, my community, my country, praying that this never happens again, but praying even more that my faith and my trust in God could be as strong as these nine individuals.

Over 8 years ago I publicly accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I always believed in God but I wasn’t always living a God honoring life. I made a promise to God, at that time, that while I may and often do fail, I would do my best to live a life that honors God and I would try to live out HIS will for my life. But, and it’s a great big huge BUT….if I had to make the choice that these people made, would I have the courage to do it? I earnestly pray that I will never have to make this choice but I am being totally honest and transparent right now, I don’t know what I’d do. I wonder if other people think about this. I love God so much, I truly do, I pray all the time that people would know that I’m a Christian by my words and actions, but yet if given the choice, what would I do? I can’t help but think that I would think of my daughter, of my husband, of a million other reasons why I need to be here on earth and not proclaim, at that moment, that I love God and would be willing to die for Him.

I am reminded of Abraham, when God asked him to sacrifice his son. Abraham loved, honored and trusted God so much he was going to do whatever God asked of him, even give up his son. God himself sent his son to be a sacrifice for all of us. Who am I to ever doubt God’s goodness and His love for us, for all of His children? Who am I to think, even for a second, that God is not going to take care of all of the families and loved ones left behind in this tragedy and that somehow His glory and His light will shine through even through this horror?

Maybe as a country we should all be asking ourselves these questions and wondering if we love God enough? Maybe if we all loved God more tragedies like this wouldn’t happen because more of us would be sharing God’s love with each other and there wouldn’t be so much anger and hatred. Maybe this should be what the politicians, news and social media should be buzzing about. How can we all LOVE GOD GREATER!

I don’t know, but I do know that these nine people are heroes to me. Some people may not understand this or see it this way. Webster’s defines a hero as someone who is admired for a great or brave act. I think they were beyond brave, they were completely selfless. They were willing to die for what they believed in, I was reminded this morning by an elder at our church and someone I admire, they were martyrs. They should be remembered, just as every hero and martyr should always be remembered and God should be glorified through their lives and their death. This shouldn’t be about gun control or mental illness or anything else, this is about good and evil. This is about GOD, make it about GOD, talk about GOD!!!

Their sacrifice should be used to bring more people closer to GOD!!!! Maybe if more people knew Jesus then there will be less hatred and more love, less pain and more healing, less sadness and more joy. Maybe we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone going into our schools and hurting our loved ones. Maybe……just maybe we should all choose Jesus, I believe it would be the best choice.

May God eternally bless Lucero Alcaraz, Quinn Glen Cooper, Kim Saltmarsh Dietz, Lucas Eibel, Jason Dale Johnson, Lawrence Levine, Sarena Dawn Moore, Treven Taylor Anspach, and Rebecka Ann Carnes.

When given a choice, they chose Jesus.

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Don't Give God "Assignments!"

Lately God has been telling me something over and over and over….and yes, over again! Some people call these moments, “God Winks,” or “God Trains.” Sometimes, Christians and Non-Christians call them “signs” or “messages” from God. It means that you keep hearing the same thing, from different sources, sometimes in different ways, but essentially the same idea over and over again.

Well this one was more like a God “Caveman Club over the Head!” I envision one of those caveman cartoon pictures clubbing me over the head and dragging me off so that I’d “GET IT!” Well, I GOT IT!

It started a couple of weeks ago while I was at a Beth Moore Conference in Maine, the message continued at my Small Group study, really touched base at a seminar 2 days after that and pretty much culminated when during a recent prayer time with God He hit me over the head (not literally of course) and told me to “stop giving HIM assignments!” YUP! What was I thinking??? Giving God Assignments?! What kind of arrogance I must have. Luckily God doesn’t see it that way.

I pray every day, throughout the day I talk to God, I read my Bible, I serve, I do all of the things that I believe are the right thing to do to bring God glory and to live my life in accordance with His will. Philippians 4:6 instructs us to pray about everything and present our request to God. In 1 John 5:14-15, we learn that God does answer our prayers, not always in our timing and not always the way we want Him to but He does. BUT, was I praying that God COMPLETELY empty me of myself so that I could be filled with HIM and HIS will for me? The answer is NO.

I was giving God assignments! How many of us do that, we pray, “God if you can do this, I’ll be able to…..” “God, I don’t want to burden you with all of my needs, if you can just help me with…..” “God, I know you want me to do……., can you please make it possible for this to happen?” What are these things? Yes, it’s pretty clear, I was giving God assignments.

I do believe that God knows my heart, I don’t think He was angry with me, I know He’s answered my prayers time and time again over the years, I am so completely blessed and I give God all of the glory and honor for that. I believe, however, that God is teaching me a new lesson and clearly it’s time I learned it. If we are going to continue to grow to TRUST HIM, to HONOR HIM, to LIVE HIS WILL and grow on our path, we need to continually learn these lessons and integrate them into who we are and how we are going to become more Christ Like.

God has shown us time and time again how much He loves us, He made the ultimate sacrifice for us yet we are so, well let’s face it, we are human and forget that HE’S GOD. Beth Moore really challenged me recently when she taught us from Numbers 14 about the Israelites who doubted God after He showed them through a multitude of ways how much He loved them. It frustrated Moses and angered God. I certainly do not want to anger God! How can I doubt what HE is capable of doing or question what HE WANTS to do for me when HE CREATED IT ALL, including my life which is His and was in His plan from before I was born! It isn’t up to me, it never was, God will dole out the assignments and it is up to me to be completely open to what He has in store for me. God’s promise is certain and it is quite clear that HE is capable of far more than I can think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20)! So the assignment is for me to empty myself so that I can be filled with God’s love and plan for my life.

From now on I will be sure to not just say the words but to live my life completely open to God, and if there is a word that means more than complete, insert it here, because that is how I want to live my life utterly completely for HIM. It doesn’t mean that I will not have specific requests of God but what it does mean is that I will be praying to understand what HIS will is in my life with a particular circumstance, rather than me praying for what I think HE should make the outcome. I will not assume that I could do ANY of life without walking through it with Jesus by my side. When I say everything, I mean it!! I feel like God is taking great delight in this. It has brought me happiness and peace; it has been a new experience for me on my path to grower closer to Jesus. God has given me an assignment, it’s ongoing, it’s lovely and it brings a real sense of joy while I am living it out.

No Longer Blissfully Ignorant

Today I went to a new dermatologist; for the last 13 years I always went to the same one but she left her practice and since I moved I thought it was time to switch. I had all of the reports from my old doctor which I turned over to the new Dermatologist who came very highly recommended and by the way, she was also very nice!!!

It was strange for me though because the doctor and her assistant spent A LOT of time with me, going over every detail of the records and inspecting every inch of me, taking pictures of things they want to "watch" etc. I asked them if they were always so careful, they said, yes but with someone with my history they have to be even more meticulous. My history?? I wondered about that. She must have seen the look on my face. She told me I was very lucky to be alive today, a lot of people who had the level of melanoma I had do not have 13 years without a recurrence and many do not even survive.

I never think about it, I never thought about it to begin with, it never even occurred to me that I could die from my prognosis back then. Over the years I've talked about it from time to time but never REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT. I remember Mike was really scared, we had just started dating, completely in love and apparently he didn't want to lose me. He never understood my blissful ignorance to the issue at hand, despite multiple surgeries and numerous follow up doctor appointments and various other minor procedures, I never, not once, thought I had a major problem.

I think the reality of today and what happened 13 years ago hit me for the first time as a lesson to me. On our way home, I looked at my little girl and my husband and reflected on the last 13 years, the good, the very bad, the laughter and the tears and realized once again, that it is all God's plan. God GAVE ME my health back, HE GAVE ME the opportunity to be what HE wanted me to be and to truly appreciate the gift of life and the blessings that HE continues to pour out in my life all the time.

I think about a friend who recently lost a long battle with Cancer and his words, that he wasn't dying of Cancer, he "LIVED" with Cancer. He knew that God was working in him and through him and he lived everyday in complete understanding of what his purpose was, he worked to carry out God's plan in his life. His eternity was secure and he knew that every day was a gift from God and his gift back to God was to allow God to use him to help others understand that they can also find God in and through all of the difficulties in life.

None of us know what will be cause us to have our last breath here, or when it will be but we can CHOOSE to know where our next breath will be when our last breath happens here. I am so grateful to GOD for allowing me not to die 13 years ago blissfully ignorant. The reality would have been awful for all eternity. God gives us every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY to choose HIM, to CHOOSE LIFE IN HIM for eternity. I know that now, I know that I have been blessed beyond anything that I ever thought or imagined, how can I waste even one second of this gift??

Thank you God for all of my blessings, thank you for giving me understanding, for giving me knowledge, for giving me LIFE!!! I will be, quite literally, ETERNALLY grateful. My prayer is that you continue to use me, work through me to bring you glory, to make sure that people are not living blissfully ignorant of what happens next. Whether they are in good situations or bad may they realize that it can be ALL GOOD in eternity because it's all GOD!!

Psalm 23:6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (NIV)

A Day of Firsts

What a strange day it has been, it was a day of firsts for me and I’m still trying to process it all.

The day started normal enough with me trying to motivate my 5 (almost 6) year old daughter to get out of bed and get ready for school. Definitely not the first time I did that and clearly will not be the last!!

While she was getting ready I went to spend some quiet time with God, it was when my 1st “first” happened. It was the first morning in a very long time that I didn’t pray for a man named Dean Lafitt. The reason I didn’t pray for Dean this morning is because yesterday he went home to be with Jesus.

I met Dean and his wife, Vivian, many years ago at Church I was told that he had Cancer and was told he only had months to live, that was about a year before I met him. He was beating the odds and God was working in his and his wife, Vivian’s life in an amazing way. I was blessed to be able to spend more time with Vivian over the years that followed, learned more about them and have completely admired both of them for this immense love they shared, first for God and then for each other. It was a beautiful love affair, God brought these two people together and they truly did “complete” each other. It’s something I can write so much more about and maybe I will someday but right now words will not do it justice. God had a plan, Dean and Vivian trusted and loved God. HIS plan for both of them will continue to unfold in Vivian’s life.

My 2nd “first” happened later in the afternoon, Katherine was actually having some quiet time while I was doing some work when the doorbell rang. I opened the door and found myself looking down at a 7 year old boy who asked me if my daughter could come out to play. Cut to my whole life flashing before me. I think the little boy was a little scared of the look he saw on my face. It was the look of horror, fear, nervousness and even wonder because I couldn’t figure out when this happened. Everything, I can’t even explain was all wrapped up in one. I muttered the words, “you mean you want her to go outside, with you, without me?” I think I may have even said, “I don’t even know you.” He said I’m Ryan, we met on the tennis courts last week, I live right “over there (and pointed).” Ummmmmmmmmmm, what do I say…. I said I’m not sure Katherine is awake, next thing I know she is leaping up the stairs and is ready to go out the door. Huh? Wait….Wait…..not so fast. Then I see his Mom who says, “it’s ok.” Then I see the two granddaughters of my neighbor also outside playing. Lorraine, my neighbor, comes around the corner of the garage and she says it’s ok, the kids are playing right outside her door and she can see them. But was she watching I wondered?? I had to trust, I had to let her go.

I watched as Katherine showed the kids her bench box full of outdoor toys, they all proceeded to gather some up. When she had to run back inside for something she handed Ryan all of the toys she had in her hands. He stood there arms filled to the brim with toys and said, “she has me carrying all of her stuff.” I couldn’t help but think “get used to it kid….someday it will be her purse too.” ;-)

The kids all had a blast, funny thing is, Ryan ended up going off with 2 other boys who came around. Typical. So we got through that ordeal and I’m alive to talk about it.

My 3rd “first,” was interesting. It happened towards the end of this crazy day. I had to correct Katherine about something and she let me know that I “made her angry.” Ok, “well,” I said, “you made me angry.” She then went on to tell me that sometimes when I make her angry she doesn’t want to live with me!!!!

WOW!!!

This was the first time that my daughter has threatened me with moving out! Another head spinning moment. This was huge though, how to handle it….what would my Mom do??? What’s the right thing to do?? A few things came to mind in those nano-seconds. But I said, “ok, let’s go pack.” She was SHOCKED! She immediately said “no no no!!!” She didn’t mean it. It was a lesson, don’t threaten Momma. I’m pretty sure that’s how my Mom would have, and probably did, handle it.

The final “first,” came when I read the post about my nephew who was, quite literally, “just born” almost 18 years ago. I found out that he was enlisted and took an oath to go into the US NAVY next February. It was the first time that I think I accepted the fact that this “Little Man” as we used to call him, was actually a grown man. I was proud and happy for him all while I was crying because I really can’t believe it. It’s true though, it’s happening and he’s going.

In the blink of an eye, life goes so fast!

The one common denominator in all of this is that we need to appreciate every moment, every precious, God given moment we have with each other. Sometimes we have to take risks that aren’t comfortable but we have to trust in God, take those risks and move forward as God’s plan unfolds, it’s exciting and terrifying but it’s HIS plan, it’s constantly unfolding and in the end it’s beautiful, like a timeless love that will live forever.

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me