No Longer Blissfully Ignorant

Today I went to a new dermatologist; for the last 13 years I always went to the same one but she left her practice and since I moved I thought it was time to switch. I had all of the reports from my old doctor which I turned over to the new Dermatologist who came very highly recommended and by the way, she was also very nice!!!

It was strange for me though because the doctor and her assistant spent A LOT of time with me, going over every detail of the records and inspecting every inch of me, taking pictures of things they want to "watch" etc. I asked them if they were always so careful, they said, yes but with someone with my history they have to be even more meticulous. My history?? I wondered about that. She must have seen the look on my face. She told me I was very lucky to be alive today, a lot of people who had the level of melanoma I had do not have 13 years without a recurrence and many do not even survive.

I never think about it, I never thought about it to begin with, it never even occurred to me that I could die from my prognosis back then. Over the years I've talked about it from time to time but never REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT. I remember Mike was really scared, we had just started dating, completely in love and apparently he didn't want to lose me. He never understood my blissful ignorance to the issue at hand, despite multiple surgeries and numerous follow up doctor appointments and various other minor procedures, I never, not once, thought I had a major problem.

I think the reality of today and what happened 13 years ago hit me for the first time as a lesson to me. On our way home, I looked at my little girl and my husband and reflected on the last 13 years, the good, the very bad, the laughter and the tears and realized once again, that it is all God's plan. God GAVE ME my health back, HE GAVE ME the opportunity to be what HE wanted me to be and to truly appreciate the gift of life and the blessings that HE continues to pour out in my life all the time.

I think about a friend who recently lost a long battle with Cancer and his words, that he wasn't dying of Cancer, he "LIVED" with Cancer. He knew that God was working in him and through him and he lived everyday in complete understanding of what his purpose was, he worked to carry out God's plan in his life. His eternity was secure and he knew that every day was a gift from God and his gift back to God was to allow God to use him to help others understand that they can also find God in and through all of the difficulties in life.

None of us know what will be cause us to have our last breath here, or when it will be but we can CHOOSE to know where our next breath will be when our last breath happens here. I am so grateful to GOD for allowing me not to die 13 years ago blissfully ignorant. The reality would have been awful for all eternity. God gives us every day, EVERY SINGLE DAY to choose HIM, to CHOOSE LIFE IN HIM for eternity. I know that now, I know that I have been blessed beyond anything that I ever thought or imagined, how can I waste even one second of this gift??

Thank you God for all of my blessings, thank you for giving me understanding, for giving me knowledge, for giving me LIFE!!! I will be, quite literally, ETERNALLY grateful. My prayer is that you continue to use me, work through me to bring you glory, to make sure that people are not living blissfully ignorant of what happens next. Whether they are in good situations or bad may they realize that it can be ALL GOOD in eternity because it's all GOD!!

Psalm 23:6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (NIV)

A Day of Firsts

What a strange day it has been, it was a day of firsts for me and I’m still trying to process it all.

The day started normal enough with me trying to motivate my 5 (almost 6) year old daughter to get out of bed and get ready for school. Definitely not the first time I did that and clearly will not be the last!!

While she was getting ready I went to spend some quiet time with God, it was when my 1st “first” happened. It was the first morning in a very long time that I didn’t pray for a man named Dean Lafitt. The reason I didn’t pray for Dean this morning is because yesterday he went home to be with Jesus.

I met Dean and his wife, Vivian, many years ago at Church I was told that he had Cancer and was told he only had months to live, that was about a year before I met him. He was beating the odds and God was working in his and his wife, Vivian’s life in an amazing way. I was blessed to be able to spend more time with Vivian over the years that followed, learned more about them and have completely admired both of them for this immense love they shared, first for God and then for each other. It was a beautiful love affair, God brought these two people together and they truly did “complete” each other. It’s something I can write so much more about and maybe I will someday but right now words will not do it justice. God had a plan, Dean and Vivian trusted and loved God. HIS plan for both of them will continue to unfold in Vivian’s life.

My 2nd “first” happened later in the afternoon, Katherine was actually having some quiet time while I was doing some work when the doorbell rang. I opened the door and found myself looking down at a 7 year old boy who asked me if my daughter could come out to play. Cut to my whole life flashing before me. I think the little boy was a little scared of the look he saw on my face. It was the look of horror, fear, nervousness and even wonder because I couldn’t figure out when this happened. Everything, I can’t even explain was all wrapped up in one. I muttered the words, “you mean you want her to go outside, with you, without me?” I think I may have even said, “I don’t even know you.” He said I’m Ryan, we met on the tennis courts last week, I live right “over there (and pointed).” Ummmmmmmmmmm, what do I say…. I said I’m not sure Katherine is awake, next thing I know she is leaping up the stairs and is ready to go out the door. Huh? Wait….Wait…..not so fast. Then I see his Mom who says, “it’s ok.” Then I see the two granddaughters of my neighbor also outside playing. Lorraine, my neighbor, comes around the corner of the garage and she says it’s ok, the kids are playing right outside her door and she can see them. But was she watching I wondered?? I had to trust, I had to let her go.

I watched as Katherine showed the kids her bench box full of outdoor toys, they all proceeded to gather some up. When she had to run back inside for something she handed Ryan all of the toys she had in her hands. He stood there arms filled to the brim with toys and said, “she has me carrying all of her stuff.” I couldn’t help but think “get used to it kid….someday it will be her purse too.” ;-)

The kids all had a blast, funny thing is, Ryan ended up going off with 2 other boys who came around. Typical. So we got through that ordeal and I’m alive to talk about it.

My 3rd “first,” was interesting. It happened towards the end of this crazy day. I had to correct Katherine about something and she let me know that I “made her angry.” Ok, “well,” I said, “you made me angry.” She then went on to tell me that sometimes when I make her angry she doesn’t want to live with me!!!!

WOW!!!

This was the first time that my daughter has threatened me with moving out! Another head spinning moment. This was huge though, how to handle it….what would my Mom do??? What’s the right thing to do?? A few things came to mind in those nano-seconds. But I said, “ok, let’s go pack.” She was SHOCKED! She immediately said “no no no!!!” She didn’t mean it. It was a lesson, don’t threaten Momma. I’m pretty sure that’s how my Mom would have, and probably did, handle it.

The final “first,” came when I read the post about my nephew who was, quite literally, “just born” almost 18 years ago. I found out that he was enlisted and took an oath to go into the US NAVY next February. It was the first time that I think I accepted the fact that this “Little Man” as we used to call him, was actually a grown man. I was proud and happy for him all while I was crying because I really can’t believe it. It’s true though, it’s happening and he’s going.

In the blink of an eye, life goes so fast!

The one common denominator in all of this is that we need to appreciate every moment, every precious, God given moment we have with each other. Sometimes we have to take risks that aren’t comfortable but we have to trust in God, take those risks and move forward as God’s plan unfolds, it’s exciting and terrifying but it’s HIS plan, it’s constantly unfolding and in the end it’s beautiful, like a timeless love that will live forever.

Jeremiah 29: 11-13 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me